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Being a socialite and food lover, I have always had an emotional attachment to Hindu festivals and the food items prepared on these special occasions. But in New York for the last two months, I missed celebrating Father's Day for the first time in years. I remember giving him packets of mithai over the years but devouring most of them myself. Dad's high BP meant good luck for me on 'his' Day.

It's no surprise that Teej is one of my favourite festivals. In Kathmandu, we girls used to hang out, sing, dance and have lots of fun. But this year was a completely new experience for me. I had just got married and was celebrating the fest abroad. But the change of country did little to dampen my spirits. I celebrated Teej with as much verve and enthusiasm as I did while in Nepal. For I am lucky to be living in a locality where the Nepali community has managed to preserve our culture and identity.

I never though Teej could be so much fun. We friends were all draped in red and covered with traditional ornaments such as tika, pote, chura, sindur. When we ventured out on the streets of the Big Apple, people were ogling at us as if we were from another planet. While some took us for participants of a fancy dress party. Some even braved to inquire about our rather quaint attire.

During the daar party, we met hoards of Nepali women, all clad in red. We danced to Nepali folk songs and feasted on typical Nepali food. This is the best part about living in a cosmopolitan city like New York: One gets to have foodstuffs from all corners of the globe. Even while most of the women were fasting the next day, no one was bothered about attending their work or college. Surprise! Even the gluttonous Barsha was fasting.

Teej is not all about fasting for the hubby's long life. It is as much about having loads of fun and enjoying life to the fullest. Teej would have been a different affair back home, but I can't help feel proud about our local community that managed to put together a stupendous gala, thereby celebrating the cultural richness of Nepal.

New York might seem dour and business-like most of the times, but I discovered that it surely comes alive on every Teej.

   [ posted by Barsha Ghimire @ 01:48 PM ] | Viewed: 2331 times [ Feedback]

My mother wants me to wear kurta salwar, jewels and make-up. Relatives can't stop talking about wedding, grandmother clatters about eligible bachelors from the community. Suddenly, parents want me to evade talking and meeting male friends and expect me to be interested in household chores. This all proves that everybody wants me to get married soon. Since I completed my graduation, started working, and wedding season approached everyone feels marriage as urgent necessity.I still feel I am still not eligible for marriage and think competence to marriage doesn't come along with reaching certain age or completion of assured education or gaining certain degree only. Emotional maturity, inner growth and complete understanding of life after marriage should be considered, as well. After all, it is a lifetime decision and commitment.

My dad often recites that only after marriage, his life started with introduction of all the beautiful things of life. He then realized the value of love, the feeling of having a loved one at home waiting, big sense of responsibility and happiness of being together. He further adds that marital problems can be solved through love, understanding, cooperation, compromise, common goal and affection towards each other.

Marriage is not a fairy-tale story that most girls imagine: Mr Right, the prince, will come in a white horse to take to his palace of all blissfulness and happiness. Nor is it a scene straight out of a Bollywood movie, where there are only happy days after marriage. Nor just finding understanding, cooperative, gorgeous, and mature spouse should be the only reasons to get married. Wedlock is a big decision of a life span, so one needs to be ready with immense responsibility and challenges.

I am not against marriage and have seen a lot of happy couple too. My married friend often says about her gain of permanent companionship, security and lots love and support, which she got only after marriage, whereas my co-worker says the first few letters of marriage show what it is. "Marriage is an invitation to slavery, bondage, tension and gloominess, where there is no happiness after honeymoon. Honeymoon is not going to last long. One has to come to the real world and then face the provocation of life. Until finally experienced, one can never know about it."

Marriage is a big responsibility with lots of compromises, huge obligation, and big challenge. One reaches the eligible age when one starts to accept things of each other and starts to look ahead as one soul. Even I dream of getting married and start my new life someday. I will marry the one whom I love when we both are ready to compromise, commit to strong relationship, have strong understanding, and common goal. I will be in a marriage pool only when I am ready i.e. when I feel that I won't be losing my freedom, identity and happiness.

(originally published in the kathmandu post on Nov 22, 2004

   [ posted by Barsha Ghimire @ 08:45 AM ] | Viewed: 1859 times [ Feedback]

I couldn't believe what I read about her. How could such
ever smiling bubbly loving person committee suicide? Her life story is
similar to movies beside that "happily ever after marriage" didn't
come to her at all.

After marriage, Nisha was completely transformed. No one,
not even her close friends, and family knew her transformation was due
to extreme mental and physical harassment by none other that her own
husband. Most shocking was that she never expressed it and chose to
become victim of harassment till her death.

Nimesh, her husband, was too suspicious and possessive
about everything. He chose the dress she wore, the friends-circle, and
activity she was supposed to do. He controlled all her life. For
love's sake she did every possible thing to impress and make him
happy. She lived her life in his philosophy and limitation imposed by
him. In fear of loosing him she sacrificed everything, peace,
desperately wanted possessions and ultimately herself.

He blamed her for every wrong thing that happened in their
life. She forgave him with a hope that he would improve. But that
never happened. Sometimes he apologized for his actions. However, next
day he repeated act the same. He wanted undivided attention so never
let her be friendly with others. Few people who knew about their
relation only suggested adjusting and compromising calling it as her
fate.

I wish something had been done to stop the ill-fate to
materialize. However, it's not only the case of one Nisha. The most
tragic part is that still countless women through out the world are
leading terrible life like Nisha's. Yet no serious actions have been
taken against it. Women are victimized of domestic violence, marital
rape and abuses of some kind or the other. Society shows sympathetic
towards victims in most cases but they hardly provide the support or
lead them towards the right path towards boldness and independence. On
the contrary, women are discouraged to come out and fight for their
rights.

Seminars, discussions on the issue take place every other day in the
five-star hotels with millions of rupees manipulated. However, the
level, reality and the number of domestic violence is increasing day
by day. Why only women are expected to adapt and compromise? How long
are women going to misunderstand the control over life to be care and
accept the discrimination in name of fate or misfortune? Women suffer
more because they lack power, are dependent completely, vulnerable and
are in an insecure position. Society expect them to suffer in silence,
her voice is suppressed inside the four walls of the house. Thus, we
need to educate, empower and give equity rights to women and make them
independent emotionally, physically, and economically. It's essential
that every woman becomes conscious of her rights not be victims of
ruthless life in the future. Isn't it high time we silence the
violence?

   [ posted by Barsha Ghimire @ 06:13 AM ] | Viewed: 1649 times [ Feedback]

Teej, so far for me has always been a get-together with sisters,
accepting gifts, and a day's fast. I had never taken it seriously
enough rather just a mere enjoyment. However, this year teej brought
me another feeling. I celebrated teej in a nearby village. On going
war, lack of opportunity and unsecured atmosphere has made the life of
the village horrifying.

However, few who have been living in the villages haven't forgotten
to live their life. There I met Sita, who is a year younger than me in
age but so much matured in terms of experiences. She is not only
looking after her 5 children but the whole responsibility of taking
care of the in-laws, rearing the cattle, field and all in on her. All
young male members of her home have migrated to Arabian countries for
work. Teej, for her came as a vacation when she could put aside all
her burden and take time out for herself and enjoy it while singing
and dancing with her friends. The teej songs have become her medium of
expression of her inner supressed feelings. Her songs expressed family
matter, relation between in laws and even country's on going war.

How painful is sita's life yet how happy she looks? She seems have
learned the life's lesson to live the fullest with whatever little she
has. I appreciate the likes of Sita and all the women like her who
still give life to our culture and a ray of hope despite all the
avalanches in life. Her happiness at teej is the answer to those who
consider it to be a discriminated festival. Teej is not just about the
fasting, or mere worship of lords for the longevity of one's husband
rather it's also about expressing of feelings, thoughts and taking a
time out from the hustle- and-bustle of daily life and enjoying one's life..

Just spending certain moment with those women has given a life time
experiences of how life should be lived. I have now learnt to
appreciate what I have and be kind to god for the graciousness of
providing me with what I have now.

Dr. Leo Buscaglia, a famous author, has rightly said , "too often we
underestimate the power of touch, a smile a kind word, a listening
ear, a honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all which has
potential to turn a life around" He further adds "It's not enough to
have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I
suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for
the betterment of person kind, bringing hope to the lost and love to
the lonely."

Moreover, that short rendezvous taught me that this all it helped me
discover, realize, develop and analyze myself and my life. Hats off to
all the "Sitas" of our nation

   [ posted by Barsha Ghimire @ 06:05 AM ] | Viewed: 912 times [ Feedback]

Big is beautiful!! Bigger the better l!!!

Barsha Ghimire

For me just to visit the weight scale and steal the glimpse of my real
weight is taboo. I don't know why, but each time the scale of
weighting machine is in motion, my heart beat increases
uncontrollably. Every time I weight myself with the hope that this
time I might have lost some pounds. Unfortunately, I hardly encounter
any of such happiness of loosing weight. It is extremely painful when
somebody asks me about my weight. I mostly hesitate and avoid, then
they start guessing which is often higher than what I actually weigh.
Ultimately, when I fail to evade then I reply 2-3 kg lighter than what
I actually weigh. The worst situation is when the girls half the
weight than me complain about their weight being high and they need to
do something.

As far as I can remember, I have always been fat. It is not that I
don't know what to do, how much to eat, or what exercise to follow.
Whenever I flip pages of no matter what magazine, I can't help myself
reading if there is anything about weight loss program. Most of the
program I watch in TV or search on internet happens to be reduction of
fatness. Yet, I have never been able to finally utilize those in my
life.

I have tried almost everything for the weight loss program. Some of
them happened to be helpful in lowering my weight too. However, after
a week or so I gained back all I lost. There was time when I ate
boiled vegetable and fruits only. However, I have a great appetite for
food, I did that for weeks. Yeah! I lost some pounds. However, it was
not possible to eat vegetable and fruits forever so I'd to switch
back. I gained whatever fat I had lost. I then joined health club,
yoga classes, meditation and medicine. You name it and I have tried
all those. I started each new program with great enthusiasm, zeal and
enormous hope that this time around I will be successful in loosing
something. After all those wastage of my time, money and energy, I
lost one of the most important things my spirit, positive thinking and
good health. I was so depressed and ashamed that I avoided any social
gathering and going out. That didn't help rather added extra weight to
my extra obese body.

Then finally, I realized that I should not waste my life and should
not be depressed with the fact about other's view regarding me. I've
learnt that the best way to remain beautiful is to learn to love the
way we are. What I believe now is that we need not follow the
stereotype, orthodox concept of beautiful to be size of 36-24-36. Let
us cultivate new concept i.e. "Big is beautiful and bigger the better."

   [ posted by Barsha Ghimire @ 10:25 PM ] | Viewed: 1209 times [ Feedback]